Tuesday (10/30/18) was a bad day. It is over now. Today is a new day. Will it be better? Yes.
In today’s post I will be reflecting on my apathy towards homework, negative thought loops, and Vicki Davis’s recommendations for surviving the tough life of an educator.
I figure reflecting on yesterday as well as the continuous habits of the past few weeks will allow me to think about my options for improvement. On Tuesday (10/30/18) I simply had a day in which I was angry at the world. I woke up late. I tried to get homework done by sitting in Fort Lewis's library for 5+ hours; little progress was made. I worked at the Boys & Girls Club that afternoon. The kids were ruthless. I returned to the library afterwards. No progress was made. I swam at 8:00 - the best part of my day. I went home, ate dinner, and went to bed.
I have been struggling to find the motivation to do my homework. Why? I don’t know. I’m tired of writing I think. I miss the days of tests, readings, and other assignments that aren’t writing assignments. If I were to guess, I would speculate that I have written over 1500 pages in my career as both an undergrad and master’s student. Not kidding. All I have done since I started in the higher-educational sphere is WRITE. I think my pen has finally run out of ink… Or at least it’s coming close to it.
If I am supposed to write about a bad day with substituting, I cannot. I haven’t had one yet. I enjoy the work of the substitute. I enjoy being around students I do not know. I enjoy being in environments that are foreign to me. I enjoy every second of the whole ordeal (Except for the aspect of how lonely it is).
Doing my homework however, I do not enjoy.
This repetitive mindset has been plaguing me for the majority of this semester. I continuously dread the time I have to dedicate to writing. In Vicki Davis’s article on “10 Stress-Building Secrets of Great Teachers”, the second secret is exactly what I need. It could not be more perfect: “Interrupt Negative Thought Loops and Replace Them with Positive Ones”. I have been super negative recently on the fact that I have homework to do, put it off, then stress myself out further and form more negative thought patterns… And then the cycle restarts and continues.
ALSO: Sometimes I wonder if this habit of turning in late work will transition into my grading and planning processes and routines when I am a teacher. That would be the end of me if it were the case.
Anyways, I really need to start recognizing these negative thoughts. Jumping on them, pushing them under the soil, and sprouting out the positive. I don’t just have this recurring thought pattern with homework either. I have been fairly negative in all aspects of life… In all honesty, it would seem that the life of a substitute is very lonely. I’m constantly moving around from place to place and rarely do I get to develop relationships or have thoughtful communication/interaction with other teachers, students, other students at the Fort, people of Durango… I think I might be losing it. Ha!
What Vicki Davis also recommends is the drinking of more water. This is something I have struggled with my whole life. In the past, I have been hospitalized from dehydration and urinary tract infections. And after all that, I still don’t manage to drink enough water. I remember in a past assignment, we were to write a little action plan for ourselves to be better; drinking more water was one of my suggestions for myself.
I would argue that the rest of Vicki Davis’s list is already a part of my daily routine.
(I kind of did enjoy writing this post however… It was sort of relieving of the built-up hatred I have for writing assignments right now… However, they will continue, and my negativity must subside. This was only a rant. I feel better.)